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Health & Fitness

Blog: 2011 Report Cards for Commissioners

A Patch blogger grades the commissioners on their first (this time around) year in office.

When writing for local papers over the years, I’d announce the “Grand Awards” for that year, which to many local politicians who received the two-inch high trophies (in the shape of an extinct do-do bird) found about as welcomed as meeting a former lover during a honeymoon.

But this time around, I decided to take a different, less flamboyant approach, by simply grading the individual and collective performances of the commissioners in the various categories-like sportswriters do following each Raven game.

Assigning grades, however, to anyone, is not easy for me to do, evoking as it does the bitter memories I have of my highschool days, when I never got more than a D+ in most classes, and finished 147th out of 149 in graduating.

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But I wasn’t embarrassed by being at the bottom, for the two guys I despised the most were below me. Nor did it bother me, that by the time I walked across the stage to receive my diploma the janitor was in the process of sweeping it off, and that only my parents remained in the audience.

And I found it comforting later in life to learn that I wasn’t alone in being a poor student, what with Albert Einstein having flunked his algebra class; that Henry Ford only had a 4th grade education; that Thomas Edison only made to the 6th grade (with his teacher indicating on his report card that it was a waste of time sending him to school); and that Andrew Carnegie never went to school.

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So, that should serve as a note of encouragement for the commissioners who I’ll be grading, that no matter how low the grades they get, they can still succeed in improving them over the next three years, with the help of the Almighty and an indulgent public.

A drumroll, please...

Collectively, working as a team., I’d give ‘em a C+, mainly because I sympathize with Howard, who has the difficult task of having to keep the board focused on their governing responsibilities; of his having to play the peacemaker between the opposing factions; and of having to rein in members who go off a wild tangent on extraneous matters.

For decision-making in a timely manner, I would, in the spirit of the Holiday season, give it a D-, because of its procrastinating for so long in making up their minds on such important issues as the expansion of the airport, waste disposal and, most importantly, in finalizing the county’s Master Plan. (At the rate they’re going, I daresay they’ll surpass the gestation period of 22 months for elephants.)

For management style, I’d lower the grade to F, because of it micromanaging the internal operations of the departments, to the point of where those who appear before them are resigned to being put through the meat grinder, with nearly every answer they give being dissected. 

Another drumroll, please...

Individually, I’d grade them as follows, irrespective of their being proud neo-cons or of the opinions I formed of ‘em well before now.

Dave Rousch, who I’d give a C+ to, for his uncanny ability to straddle the fence with neither foot touching the ground, but who at least broke the tie by voting aye on filling the PR position in-house.

Haven Shoemaker, who I’d give the highest grade of A- to, for his not only being the voice of moderation and for his pragmatic approach to problems, but even more so for his no longer making like the fire-breathing dragon he was during the campaign, intent on incinerating Julia Gouge. 

Robin Frazier, I’d give a D- to. It would have been an F, if it were not for my fearing she’d call upon the Lord-with whom she enjoys a more intimate relationship, or so she would lead one to believe, than any one else on the board-to send down a bolt of lightning striking me dead. And for her openly defying the U.S. Supreme Court decision banning invoking the name of a specific deity in prayers held in public buildings, only shows her equal disregard for that biblical admonition, to “render unto Caesar what is Caesar’s….”

Richard Rothschild, who I’d give a C to, not for his leading the board down the primrose path by that ill-conceived and poorly executed forum on PlanMaryland, but for his coming close to matching Machiavelli’s art of manipulating, or exerting excessive control over events or another. And for his ability to delude himself into believing that his glibness and the smokes and mirrors he employs to conceal his loftier ambitions from the public at large will go undetected, even by those bird-dogging his every step.

So it is, with those who rely on guile rather than substance to achieve their ends.

Quote of the week: “Look at the dust I doth stir up.”  Spoken by an ant riding on the hub of a ancient chariot wheel.

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